Compromise and the Four Agreements

One thing I have noticed in my few years of life is that you seem to learn more the older you get. This isn’t as intuitive as you may think seeing as older folk, (anyone older than me) say that you become more set in your ways the older you get. Maybe this is true. Maybe that doesn’t work for me. I seem to have this annoying knack for constantly wanting to improve myself. Who has the time for that? In the event you actually have time for that, allow me to share with you something that I have learned.

We’ve all heard that compromise is the key to any successful relationship. But have you heard of the Four Agreements? The Four Agreements are a mental philosophy that serve to ensure personal freedom. Freedom from conflict, freedom from personal judgement, freedom from anything that doesn’t serve you. So what exactly do the Four Agreements have to do with compromise? How are they related? Keep reading!

One of the Four Agreements state that it’s crucial to not take anything personally. Yikes! I don’t know about you, but that’s super tough for me. You spend so much time in your natural life figuring out all the things you like to eat, wear, political stance you take, pet peeves, favorite activities, how you like everything on the bathroom counter to be exactly 37.3 degrees perpendicular to the item next to it. It’s all very personal! So you could imagine how you’d feel when someone tells you that something you do, something that makes you feel uniquely you, upsets them, and you have to change the behavior. That’s really difficult. So it seems that one of the Four Agreements and the idea of compromise contradict each other.

Compromise is essential to any good relationship. That and excellent communication. In order to compromise, you have to be willing to put all of your bad ish to the side for the sake of the greater good. That means no more leaving your crap all over the floor. All jokes aside, not taking things personally is difficult but it works. The idea behind it really speaks to the things you allow yourself to respond to emotionally. In arguments with your friends, spouses, significant others, it’s extremely easy to become emotionally charged by something the other person says. This leads to miscommunications, hurt feelings, and at worst, a widening gap of disconnection, which ultimately leads to disaster.

Here are a couple things that work for me whenever I find myself going down the hole of doom and destruction and ‘get out of my way before I cuss you out!’
***I don’t really cuss people out, I just want to some times.***

-Breathe: This is super simple but really effective. Being mindful is a useful tool in keeping your raging emotions in check.

– Try a mantra: I tell myself, “Don’t take things personally” repeatedly. This overwrites my normally tendency of getting in my feelings and reminds me to be present. This allows me to hear what the other person is saying outside of my own narrative.

These simple techniques have really allowed me to take a long look at myself, in hopes that I can stop hurting the people in my life with my ways, however unintentional they may be.

If you are interested in fostering better relationships with those around you and want to learn how to Compromise using the Four Agreements, I highly recommend it. I’ll attach the link so you can start reading today.

http://wtf.tw/ref/ruiz.pdf

Stay Colorful peeps!